Did you just call me fat?

There is nothing more satisfyingly awkward than looking someone in the eye and asking, “Did you just call me fat?” No matter how innocuous their prior statement, no matter how skinny you might be, no matter how comfortable and familiar your relationship, the person on the receiving end of that question will inevitably squirm and fall all over themselves to ensure you that they did not, in fact, infer that you’re in possession of extra poundage.

My friend Amy once made a 5-year-old girl cry by delivering that withering line. If I have the details right, she was visiting her former boyfriend’s family on a camping trip. When they got there, his niece grabbed Amy’s hand to give her a tour of the camp site. When they arrived in front a dodgy looking chair, the niece said as a precaution to her older friend, “Don’t sit there. It’s got a wobbly leg.” Naturally, Amy turned to her, looked her squarely in the eye, and said, “Did you just call me fat?” As mentioned above, usually a person on the receiving end of that accusation would just proclaim, “Oh no no! Of course not! I’M the one who would break the chair. No, not you, you skinny little thing!” But of course, this kid was caught off guard, and is FIVE YEARS OLD, so down came the tears.

Although I don’t advocate terrorizing small children, many of you know I do delight in a good, “Did you just call me fat?” story. And so, at the dawn of my New Blog Endeavor, I’m going to borrow the line that has brought me such joy.

Presenting….

The “Did You Just Call Me Fat?” Challenge

For the next month and a half, my friend Blake and I are going to have a weight loss competition. Whoever loses the most weight by May 18 wins $100. That’s 100 U.S. dollars paid by one of us to the other for shedding as much poundage as poss.

Why are we doing this? Because we could both stand to drop a few el bees, save a little money and generate some fodder for our blogs.

Why should you care? Well, you shouldn’t, but if you do, you’ll get some very regular updates to both the OckleShow and Blake’s blog. Two for the price of one—what could be better?

What will we talk about? Leaving no stone unturned (that will be punnier if you’re a Brit), we will detail the lengths (and widths) we’ll go to win the competition. Plus, I’ll be sure to make it interesting by trying out all kids of crazy techniques—maple syrup diet, all blue foods diet, etc—purely for the sake of your entertainment. So if you have any suggestions for ways I can torture my body, let me know. I’m game.

The DYJCMF Challenge begins Monday, 6 April at 9 am GMT sharp. More details will be provided then. Don’t forget to tune in. It should be a big fat riot.